BEAUTIFUL SECRETARY

Beautiful secretary, I know that it bothers you / That I follow you to the bathroom every time you go to poo / I do not have bad intentions. I am not a pervy freak / I do not want to look at your panties. I would never even peak / My mission is noble. I seek to protect you / I do not want our co-workers to know that you make such a horrible smelling poo / When you finish your business I walk into bathroom and wait for a knock on the door / And when someone remarks on the frightening smell and says who could it be / I tell them it was me. But it was you / Beautiful secretary, you should eat less quinoa

THE BASKETBALL

I play the basketball. C'mon give me the rock. I am Blomky from square of St.Peters / I do not have the ups. I cannot slam the dunks. I have the vertical of three centimeters / But if you pass the ball I will pass it back or I will take a conservative jump shot / Some of the time it does go in. Most of the time it does not go in / I play the basketball. Basketball. I play the basketball. Basketball / I play the basketball with the big black boys who slam the dunk in the face / I grab the forehead and I say ouch I feel like such a disgrace / But then I give the pep talk to myself. I say show these guys what you got / Then I play the defense tenaciously and miss a medium range jump shot. OH! / I play the basketball. Basketball. I play the basketball. Basketball / When I step on to the blacktop I'm always the last to be selected / When I attempt a tasty jump shot I frequently get rejected / But if you look into my eyes, you will see the soul of a man who loves to play. I love to play / If you look into my eyes, you will see the soul of a man who loves to play. I play / I play the basketball. Basketball. I play the basketball. Basketball. I play the basketball

TONYA

My hair is growing, not in a good way. Take F train to York Street, walk over to Pearl / I step into barber shop, scan the room thoroughly. But I see no trace of my favorite girl / Tonya, Tonya. Leaving me stranded's no way to behave / Tonya, Tonya. I need a haircut. I need a hot shave / First time I meet Tonya she asks me how to cut hair. I say I'm not sure. I'm in bit of a rut / And then that marvelous woman from Belarus smiles and gives me one hell of haircut / Tonya, Tonya. Your beauty lies not only in your big breasts / Tonya, Tonya. Your breath smells of Vodka, my naughty princess / When she gives me hot towel I spooj in my underpants. Fingers work magic on every pore / When she applies alcohol to the back of my neck it hurts like hell but I always want more. it hurts like hell but I always want more. Tonya! / Now I stand in barber shop with eyes like puppy dog. I say to Igor, where did Tonya go? / Igor looks at me like I'm a big asshole. Says it's her day off. She'll be back tomorrow / Tonya, Tonya. I spend all my metro fare just to see you / Tonya. Tonya. I need a haircut. I need a hot shave. What will I do? TONYA!

MY ACTION FIGURES

Someone has been messing with my action figures / Please stop messing with my action figures / Homey, don't be messing with my action figures / You better knock it off or I will go off / Look into my playroom. What do I see? He-Man giving Destro a blow job / Look a little closer. How could it be? Sponge Bob doing Boba Fett doggy style / Oh my God. My Little Pony. You are getting titty fucked by Kermit the Frog / Optimus Prime, why is your fist inside Mister Potato Head's butt hole. Take it out of Mister Potato Head's butt hole. I didn't know Mister Potato Head had a butt hole / Butt hole, Butt hole, Butt hole / Someone has been messing with my action figures / Please stop messing with my action figures / Homey, don't be messing with my action figures / You better knock it off or I will go off / I will go off

MS. CAPITAL K

My favorite teacher, Ms. Capital K / You give me big boner each and every day / The way you bend over in tight mini skirt / The way you wag finger when I try to flirt / You smoke cigarette with bright orange lipstick / I always pretend cigarette is my dick / Please don't get impression that dick is so small / I want you to believe it's eighteen inches tall / But let's split the difference, get back to the facts / Ms. Capital K had a boyfriend named Max / Who pick her up after school bring her to mall / When I see him I bash my head into a wall / For she is such beauty and he is such waste / Not fair that he know how her vagina taste / So I take revenge and I take it good / I slash all his tires and make dump on his hood / But he catch me in act, say I make big mistake / Then he rub my face in the poop that I make / In shame and embarrassment I run away / And then I run into Ms. Capital K / Who see how her boyfriend has make me disgrace / And then she wipe all of the poop off my face / Then she give me french kiss I never forget / And two of us walk off into the sunset / Ms. Capital K, Ms. Capital K, you give me big boner each and every day